Ah, poor Eliot Spitzer. I'll save you all my personal thoughts, because I'm sure most of you are uninterested in what I think about this situation. So instead, this is an open letter to Eliot:
Good sir, this is what you should have done instead. Strike a deal with your wife to trade sex for cash, food, clothing, housing, gifts, flowers and kind words. In return, she must provide you with periodic sexual intercourse...possibly even "non-standard" intercourse depending on the volume of kind words included in your payments. According to law enforcement officials, these sorts of schemes usually begin with the woman asking for and receiving a large diamond ring followed approximately twelve months later with a large party attended by friends and family. It's a crime that so few law enforcement officers can ever catch -- Eliot, I bet not even you could have brought somebody down for this one.
The Onion uncovered the only known case of this kind ever being prosecuted. Read the whole article below.
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